2/08/2008

More Bitter than Sweet...

Grrrrrr....I knew it. I just knew it. I shouldn't have come home. Not that I didn't have an absolutely amazing time, but here I am, DREADING having to return to Korea. And by dreading I mean I've had several breakdowns today, tears just flowing uncontrollably, prepubescent-like. I just.....don't wanna go back. Is that so awful?! I don't wanna get back on that plane for 17 hours. I don't want it to be 21 degrees when I land (and oh yes, it will be). I don't wanna get into my little apartment and it's freezing and lonely. Maybe things won't be so bad. As my BFF says, we're going to be optimistic....right? The first 4 months flew by...sorta...kinda. The next 8 months will, too!!! Or so I keep trying to psych myself out. Truthfully, once I get outta the doldrums of winter, I think my time will be fabulous. People will start visiting me, I'll start going out and being more social, I'll start traveling, etc. Why, it'll be October before I know it! I've consulted several people on this matter and their responses varied. Let's run through them:

BFF says, "Be positive! I'll see you in March or April! But I guess now is not a good time to tell you that I don't want you to go back either huh??" Hmmm...nope.

Little Cousin says, " F- that. Don't go! You ain't gotta do a damn thing..." Nice try, young Grasshopper.

Momma says, "Well....*looking sorry for me* can you extend your stay here? Maybe go back in a few weeks...?" No, I can't do that either.

Michelle says, "Ummmm....well you're going back with a different perspective. Things will get better. Trust me..." And I trust her...I do.

Here I am. Back on the seesaw of emotions. Damn. When did life get so hard? And it's not even that hard, just stressful. One of my best friends just popped out an 8-pound baby and I'm complaining about having to go back to Korea. Talk about perspective. So, lemme go ahead and get off my worry wagon. Shut up, fool. Just shut up.....well I'm headed to the airport. Better get started on that long trek. Maybe I can find my ever-elusive sanity along the way. Until then, J

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