IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT!!
I am SUCH an idiot!! A royal retard!!
Ok, I'll take a moment from kicking myself in the back of the neck and explain what happened. I was out at COEX Mall in Seoul today. Just hanging out. This place is gigantic. It has a hotel inside, an aquarium, a movie theater, and even a casino! Ginormous. So, I went to the bookstore called Bandi & Luni's. Great place. I could stay in there for hours. I was minding my own business when lo and behold, an absolutely gorgeous guy pops up in my area. I mean, breathtaking...as in, I couldn't really breathe properly. Instead of acting like a GROWN-UP and approaching this divine Korean creation, I proceeded to stalk him around the store. I never thought I was capable of such behavior but I'm learning something new everyday. I would like to mention at this time that it was nearly impossible for me to "casually browse" any damn thing because all the books were in KOREAN! If anyone passing by saw me nonchalantly flipping through these pages, feigning interest, they would be a fool. The object of my obsession stayed in one general area and for about 20 minutes, Margot (who couldn't stop hysterically laughing at my child-like behavior) and I were not too far behind. Let me see if I can describe him - tall (about 6'1"), tan, Yankees hat, red North Face vest with a gray hoodie underneath, washed and worn jeans, clean white sneakers. And he had a mole on his cheek, just like me. A perfect face and form. I think maybe he was a model. He must have been. But even more shocking, he was ALL ALONE!! No equally gorgeous model girlfriend-in-tow, no friends, nothing. Malls are social venues but not for this guy. He was just...hanging out! I couldn't believe it.
On several occasions, I was standing across the aisle from him and I'd glance up. He'd be glancing down. You should have seen me. I was actually peaking around corners and over bookshelves to get a glimpse of him. Just SORRY! Such a sad sight. So Margot, fed up with my punkassness, decided she was going to go talk to him for me. How junior high! And I bolted faster than you can say "kimchi", finding solace in some Japanese magazines. She was standing next to him in the check out line while I was motioning like a PSYCHO for her to stop it. "NO!! DON'T!! Let's just go! PUH-LEEEEAAASSSSEEE??!" I imagine he had no idea that two black girls were following him around. So, finally, he finished checking out and we were about 10 feet behind him. It was a perfect chance to say hi or practice my new Korean, anything just to make some contact so my stalking wasn't in vain.
But NO....I couldn't do it. I just...couldn't make a fool of myself. I was thinking a million things at once like, "What if he thinks I'm crazy? What would I say? He probably has a girlfriend right? And Korean guys that look like that certainly don't go for black girls right?" Guess I'll never know his answer. Totally psyched myself out. So I left the bookstore, feeling like I'd missed a great opportunity. In this huge mall, in Seoul, the chances of seeing the same person twice was so rare. So we left and headed to the other side of the mall. I couldn't stop thinking about how STUPID I'd been. I mean, I could've said hi or something. D'OH!!!
But it gets worse...
Someone looked down on me and said, "Joia, today is your lucky day. I believe in second chances so here it is...go get him, tiger!!"
Yup, I did see Mr. Model again. After my mind had already given up, I saw him about 30 mins later inside a little food shop. I stopped in my tracks, staring at his back. Ironically, it was mostly English foods (like Campbell's soup, Snapple, and Jelly Bellys). This should have perhaps given me some confidence to go and say hi, but NO!!! As soon as I saw that red vest and gray hoodie, I got nervous all over again. Sweaty palms, heart racing, blood drainage from the brain. I grabbed Margot so hard I'm pretty sure she still has bruising and I fled...again!! Margot stayed back to hang around near him while I bolted...AGAIN. When she found me, I was leaning against a wall, feeling like I'd aged 50 years and looking like I'd seen a ghost. My legs were ready to give out. How old was I?! 12?!!? I could NOT get a grip on myself. It was beyond embarrassing and quite frankly, I'm glad I didn't talk to him. I don't want anyone having that kind of effect on me! It's dangerous...life-threatening even.
To make myself feel better about having wasted a perfectly good opportunity (TWICE!), I've convinced myself that he is either married or gay. Yup, that's what I tell myself since I blew it. I guess this all points to the fact that I am severely out of practice with talking to the opposite sex. I've gotta do better, folks. I need some cojones. Big ones! I just have no idea who that Joia was today! I will talk to a rock...seriously. I can have full conversations with MYSELF so why, dear Lord, can't I say hi to one person?!?! Oh well... next time, I will definitely be more outgoing. The one thing that mitigated this titanic blow to my pride was buying another super cute bag! :) So, I welcome any advice for getting over this paralyzing fear...but note to self, COEX Mall is where all the hot Korean guys are! I'll be back there...even if it's just to hang around the bookstore :)
Until then, J