I'm not British, but I think their word "gobsmacked" is just fantastic. It manages to capture perfectly one's emotions when words just escape you. So, I got gobsmacked a couple times lately. Last week, as I was up burning the midnight oil working on a final paper, I logged onto Facebook to feed my undiagnosed ADD. The guy who I dated through most of college had a status up that said, "She said yes!" followed by lots of comments. I'd always imagined that finding out an ex (whom I didn't actually despise but with whom I shared a rather dubious relationship) was engaged would be a painful day. There was a temporary sense of "Holy crap, he got engaged?!" followed by, "Wow! He got engaged!" and then finally, "Awesome, he got engaged!" Even though I let go of him and what "we" used to be a long time ago, the feeling was still strange, to be sure. My first reaction was to send a congratulatory message, which I did. And it was genuine. There was an episode of Sex and the City in which Miranda and Steve broke up for the umpteenth time and Steve ends up living in a crappy apartment. Samantha says to her, "Well, I guess you won!" And Miranda replies, "Won what? It isn't a competition!"
"Yes, it is," Samantha quips, "It's called 'Who'll Die Miserable?'"
That line always struck me as hilarious and rather true. There are some exes you just want to disappear forever, others that you think the right timing may have changed things, and others who you loved and cared for dearly but realized they just were not right for you. Does an ex who treated you badly still deserve to be happy or would you be happy if that ex were somewhat miserable? My ex's recent engagement didn't stir feelings of resentment or bitterness within me, but the younger me probably wished he'd be slightly worse off without me being in his life. This is what motivates us to pull back from someone and "make them miss us." In reality, can any one person dictate the level of happiness in your life? And are we just egomaniacs for thinking someone will fall apart in our absence?
I said to my current boyfriend the other day, rhetorically, "What would I do without you?" And he responded, "I'm pretty sure you'd be just fine..." Well, of course, he's right. It's hard to imagine now that I'm in the middle of an awesome relationship, but without him, I'd be fine. Sure, there'd be a crappy period of withdrawal, but eventually, I would go back to how I was before him. So, this relationship has helped me to temper my expectations quite a bit and perhaps that is a great thing. Then, everything that happens is just icing. I'm definitely excited that my ex has found an amazing woman with whom he wants to share his life. That woman was not me...and that is okay. The tougher question is: Should I send a gift? :)
Another gobsmacked moment occurred about an hour ago when Facebook (noticing a pattern here!) sent me a "People You May Know" notice from the infamous married man, Jonathan. It sucked me back into that dark place for a moment. I had literally forgotten everything about this person and to have Facebook throw it in my face induced a gobsmacked moment for me. Meeka would have sent him a message; I blocked him so he'll never pop up again. Yikes.
On to happier stuff! I finished 3 semesters of graduate school and I've got one more to go! That is awesome and I drank lots of wine to celebrate. I can't wait to cross that item off my Bucket List. Thank you to those who voted on my next trip! I'm planning to visit Israel (because I've got a friend there) and Turkey (because I've got a cousin there). It might be a solo trip for me. Not many of my friends seem all that interested in visiting the Middle East. Honestly, neither did I until I started studying so much about it in my classes. So, we'll see what happens. :)
I'm excited for the next month! My boyfriend and I are going to see The Roots in DC soon and then we're headed to Philly with Meeka and her bf to visit Leelee and TJ. Should be VERY fun! I've got so much to catch up (including some Korean dramas!) and I apologize for neglecting my blog! I'd like to weigh in next time on black women, relationships, and interracial dating. Everyone and their momma had something to say about it this year so why can't I?!